Always a Pirate At Sea

This is a parody of Billy Joel's "She's Always a Woman"

Oh his name is a word
People fear and despise
He's known for his brutality and his lies
And his gold and grog's all that's valued by he
His head's wanted on land
But he's always a pirate at sea

He can deal with a blade
He can cut you or bleed you
You can grovel and beg
But he'll pummel and beat you
And he'll take all your treasures in spite of your pleas
He steals like a thief
And he's always a pirate at sea

Oh he takes care of himself
When Royal Navy are near
His ship slips through the fog
Oh and he never gives out
And he never gives in
He just guzzles his grog

He's got an eyepatch a
Hook, a peg-leg, a parrot
He's got a barrel of grog
But he aint gonna share it
He'll take all the gold
From your pockets and teeth
Better stay on the shore
Cause he's always a pirate at sea

Oh he takes care of himself
When Royal Navy are near
His ship slips through the fog
Oh and he never gives out
And he never gives in
He just guzzles his grog

While he's happily juiced
His crew's horribly dry
Jewels and gold fill the ships hold
Oh the grog it could by
With dark glances and grumbles
His crew cried mutiny
And he'll walk on the plank
For the grog that he drank
Yeah he's always a pirate at sea

Funky Monkey

This song is a parody of Cantaloop (Flip Fantasia) by US3

Ooop…   Ooop…  Ooop…

What's that?

Ooop…   Ooop…  Ooop…

Funky Monkey

How 'bout a banana?

Wait… Wait a minute

Ocean motion, crashin' caution, ships dips tips

As we sail the turbulant sea

Stomach stops churnin', with a pail o' dramamine

Yell sailor man, sailor man hands

Hands on deck, hands help the helmsman and

I sing and groove as the sea men move

Every poem's relay'n what the brave men do

I'm your lore man and your troubadour

Singing my thing, out in the evermore

Booty seeker, livin' adventure

Snap map, dig that treasure

Ooop…   Ooop…  Ooop…

What's that?

Dig it.  Dig it up

Ooop…

Dig it.  Dig it up

Funky Monkey

Read the sea chart, freed from black heart

Pirate papers lead us and speed our start

Sea skiff lands on, isle of the simian

Destination vegitation confrontation

Up down, grind the ground, seek the X

Where buccaneer's gold is bound to be found

Tangly trees, humid heat, soggy feet

They keep the beat and speed with the need

Back to the map in the pack that I'm wearing

The way I use the clues keep the beat on our bearings

A machete swingin' singin' bringin' branches down

Cuttin' a trail to the trove renouned

Many bitey bugs buzz our ears as we go

In an infinate swarm of kamakazi mosquitos

Here we go, off I take ya

Slap gnat, dig that treasure

Ooop…   Ooop…  Ooop…

What's that?

Dig it.  Dig it up

Ooop…

Dig it.  Dig it up

Funky Monkey

Ooop…   Ooop…  Ooop…

What's that?

Ooop…   Ooop…  Ooop…

Funky Monkey

Head to the end, jungle temple, and then

Tune the tempo up before we begin

Tricky tippy trap attack brings a boulder down

Rollin' bowlin' bold men back with a thundering sound

They dodge the darts, I play my part

Framing fearless lyrics cheering spirit and heart

Quibble riddle gristle as I ponder temple puzzle

But no lyrics or locks can defy my razzle dazzle

Next to the X, feel the flow that I flex

Get on the go, go get the chest

Priceless prize by any measure

Trip trap, dig that treasure

Now

What's that?

Dig it.  Dig it up

Ooop…

Dig it.  Dig it up

Funky Monkey

What's that?

Dig it.  Dig it up

Ooop…

Dig it.  Dig it up

Funky Monkey

Hear the gate drop, fearful heart flop

Footfalls down the hall, coming near, so don't stop

Drums a beating, feet a fleeting

Take ya to the chamber of the monkey meeting

Gibbons growlin', howlers howlin' and yowlin'

Rhesus and orangutauns pacing and prowlin'

And what do I see past the chimpanzee's

But King Kong's uncle starin', glarin' at me

So ya all know I'm the pro with the stanza

The way I play my verse'n, I'm a ballad bonanza

Pretty poem freely flowin', growin' into the sound

Monkeys ah'd and oogled as they gathered around

Many primates danced in wild wonder that day

But when they saw the chest we made our get away

Hang on to that chest I mentioned

Git quick, with that treasure

Ooop…   Ooop…  Ooop…

What's that?

Ooop…   Ooop…  Ooop…

Dig it.  Dig it up

Funky Monkey

Ooop…   Ooop…  Ooop…

What's that?

Ooop…

Ooop…   Ooop…  Ooop…

How 'bout a banana?

Funky Monkey

Skip time, slip vines, zip line, in time, escape the apes that chase

As we race through the jungle we flee

Bracken a crackin' comes gorilla posse

Feet beat the path, beat the path fast

Best you keep fast past the great marsh grass

I go right through the big bamboo

With my verbal machete to our rendevous

Feet fly, load the skiff by high tide

Rowing that boat, burning off the cellulite

Speed it up, 'fore that ape gets ya

Zip trip, dig that treasure

Ooop…   Ooop…  Ooop…

What's that?

Ooop…

How 'bout a banana?

Funky Monkey

Dig it.  Dig it up

What's that?

Dig it.  Dig it up

Funky Monkey

Sea Food Again

Freeform parody of James Taylor's "Fire and Rain"

Spent three days stranded on this lonely stand

of rock and sand at sea

My sunburned skin is peeling painful

But that's not what's eating me

Oh, I've seen fruit and I've seen grain

I remember gravy boats and sausage chains

I've seen burdened banquet tables bending with the strain

And I always thought that I'd see food again

My beaten ship was stormy tossed

And sunk beneath the waves

Though everything aboard was lost

Alone my life was saved

Oh I miss fruit and I miss grain

I miss those yummy gravy boats and sausage chains

I'd even eat my vegetables and never once complain

If I only got to see food again

Spent three years stranded on this lonely stand of rock and sand at sea My suntanned skin's no longer painful But that's not what's feeding me I suck sea snails from their shells They're pretty hard to chew Though my aching jaw rebels There's not much else to do Oh I miss fruit and I miss grain I miss those yummy gravy boats and sausage chains I'd even eat my vegetables and never once complain But all I've got is sea food again I'm chewing on this sea food again Is it escargo or sushi? I don't know I just know it's sea food again Gritty, sandy sea food again

Squirrel of the Seas

This is a parody of Alan Parson Project's "Eye in the Sky"

I've got treasure hot in my hands

I'll try burying it in the sand

And there's a secret spot that I know

In seven hours I've got a hole

No peeking

Blistered my soles

To bury the gold that they're seeking

Maybe this spot's too easy to find

Maybe this spot's erosion inclined

I'll dig that treasure up to secure it

And polish it up just to ensure

It's pretty

Then dig a new hole

And bury it below preceiving

I am the pie-are-at guy

Moving my jewels

'Til they're hard to find

I am the squirrel of the seas

Scratching at fleas

Jewels are on my mind

I should move that treasure again

To know that

Treasure's hard to find, Treasure's hard to find

Maybe this hole's poorly disguised

Maybe it won't decieve prying eyes

I'll dig another hole like before

Diggin' treasure's not such a chore, it's real fun

Then I'll make a map so I know which hole's the real one

Just tell me which map's the real one  (in a confused mumble)

We Will Rob You - We are the Buccaneers

This is a parody of Queen's "We Will Rock You" and "We Are the Champions"

Buddy you're a drunk, can't walk a straight line

Getting' hit on the head - in a alley - shanghai'd one day

You got hauled on a ship

Your big fat lip

Yo-a pirate now, betta get a grip

We will, we will rob you

We will, we will rob you

Buddy you're a hard man, want'd man

Treasure in the sand, gonna get your gold back someday

You got back on your ship

Map at your hip

Raisin' your roger, better get a grip

We will, we will rob you

We will, we will rob you

Buddy you're an old man, tired man

Guzzlin' your grog, gonna sleep a little long one day

Turned your back and your're hit

You just got gypp'd

Gonna walk the plank, betta get a grip

We will, we will rob you

We will, we will rob you ****************************************** I've shed some blood Sunk more than a few I've fired my cannons And defended my crew I lost my hand A foot and an eye I had a belaying pin shatter my groin I still didn't cry We are the buccaneers - my friends And we'll steal your treasures in the end We are the buccaneers We are the buccaneers Grog swilling boozers We are the buccaneers - with your pearls I've taken your gold And plundered your jewels They bought me grog and puffy shirts and prosthetic limbs And more for me crew! But we lack social graces We're stinky too We're flea-bitten misfits with cut-throatin' keel-haulin' ways But there's one thing we do (and we do it well!) We are the buccaneers - my friends And we'll steal your treasures in the end We are the buccaneers We are the buccaneers Grog swilling boozers We are the buccaneers - with your pearls

The Pirate Code

This is a parody of Everclear's "Everything to Everyone"

You've got your prisioner bound in braces

Where your monkey throws it's poo

It's vocations flinging feces t'entertain your crew

I think you like to be a pirate

I think you like to be so cruel

I think you live by code of pirates

Breaking every single rule

You take what you take

You slew who you slew

And now, you be pirating your Pirate's Code

You got all the right sea skills

You pay with your bright blade

And always try to be pirating your Pirate's Code

Yeah you got gold again

You got treasure to gain

You say they taught you how to steal and fight

Yeah, they taught you to play fow-well

I say they taught you how to stab a back

And watch your buddies bleed and drow-en

I think you like to wear your eyepatch proud

I think you love to wear a frow-en

I think you are blind to the fact

That the code you live is the code that cuts you dow-en

You slay who you slay

You took what you took

You always try to be pirating your Pirate's Code

You got all the right sea skills

You pay with your bright blade

You always try to be pirating your Pirate's Code

Feel the sound of cannons (Got gold to gain)

You tumble and you crawl

Yeah your sails begin to burn

Feel the sound of cannons (Got gold to gain)

You tumble and you crawl

Your sundered ships timbers start to burn

Yeah your ship's gonna burn

Bad monkey!  No!  Very very Bad monkey!

They took what they took from you

You're chained in their chains

And cry, they be pirating their pirates code

You jump when they say frog

You'll pay for your bright blade

And cry, they're pirating their pirates code

Feel the sound of cannons (Got gold to gain)

You tumble and you crawl

Yeah they got gold to gain

Feel the sound of cannons (Got gold to gain)

You tumble and you crawl

The Greatest Gourmet Swedish Chef in Bucaneer Bay

This is a parody of the classic "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy"

He was a famous Sweedish chef upon a ship to Brazil

He made the meanest meatballs spiced with savory and dill

He was the best chef in his field

But then some pirates came along and now he's making their meals

He's with the pirates now.  He's baking swill souffle

He's the greatest gourmet Sweedish chef in Buccaneer Bay

They made him boil seaweed for the crew to eat

It really brought him down because they had no meat

The captain seemed to want a treat

For the next day captain commandeered a fishing fleet

And now the buccaneers cheer, and scarf flounder flambe

He's the greatest gourmet Sweedish chef in Buccaneer Bay

A root, a toot, a ladle in his boot

He bakes them grog-lemon beans - So have no worries

For although they make a flatulant team

They prevent scurvy

And now the buccaneers cheer, as they eat shark fillet

He's the greatest gourmet Sweedish chef in Buccaneer Bay

He was the greatest gourmet Sweedish chef in Buccaneer Bay

And when he made his greatest gourmet dishes

He was spicy as a salty spray

And when he made those meals the buccaneers ate all night and day

He's the greatest gourmet Sweedish chef in Buccaneer Bay

Lickupa lickitylipa lickitylipa lick lick

They dined all night and all day

On mackrel chowder and oyster-lime puree

They got no scurvy

And those buccaneers cheer for their swordfish souflee

He's the greatest gourmet Sweedish chef in Buccaneer Bay

He fills those bucker's bellies with goodies every night

And they gobble down some more in the early bright

They raise their grog and lick their plates

And they'll be coming back for thirds before it gets too late

Arr arr they cheer for him at the end of the day

For that greatest gourmet Sweedish chef in Buccaneer Bay

A sip, a slurp a sat-is-fying burp burp burp

Those pirates once thrived on risk

Now they dine in style on grapefruit lobster bisque

Say - so long - scurvy

And those buccaneers cheer for their pirate buffet

And the greatest gourmet Sweedish chef in Buccaneer Bay